2002 UPDATE OF THE BIO

Well, time for an update of what has happened in 2002. Has anything true in the previous bio changed?? NO!! What has happened is a lot of stuff that has me thinking.

Alto it is only September and 2002 is far from over. It has been a very very busy year. My mother was ill starting in February (ie hospitalized). She had been gradually going downhill for a period of time some of which was noticed, some not. However on February 23 she got to the point where she had to be hospitalized. For the next 5 1/2 weeks she was in the hospital, a great of that time in intensive care. We warred with such things as whether or not to put her on a ventialator, whether to take her off after 2 weeks of being on it and then whether to feed her thru a tube after the vent was removed. All of this was very intense for me as I was the primary decision maker. I had a pastor that was very supportive, alto there were times when he was seeing his duty as preparing me for her death rather than helping me keep things going. During all of this, I saw it as my duty not only to stay with her but to constantly try to ascertain what HER desires were. In hindsight, he was possibly correct, at the time I wasnt always willing to hear his advice. At any rate she went back to the nursing home on April 2. This was not altogther a positive move alto necessary as the hospital could do no more. She had to be rushed to another hospital on the 5th of April and died very shortly (about 5-6 hours) later.

Since then I have became very aware of death and the griefing process and have had to re-examine my live. In many ways, I see things the same way I always have. In some ways, such as being more aware of death and disease and all the "bad" things around me, I have changed vastly. Alto I wish I could "go back" I can not and it is probably going to always have an impact on me.

This year has thus far been a year of not just death and grief but reunion. I was able in May to go to a family reunion where I found that my years with mom were noticable in the amount of information I had to contribute to discussions of family history and who was who...and that sort of thing. In July, there was a high school re-union. I shudder to say my thirtieth (where has the time gone?) which seems like forever and just last month. (LOL) These events allowed me the opportunity to revisit the past. I met and had a certain small amount of re-union with an aunt that I had been estranged from for about 5-6 years as a result of the family reunion. The high school reunion produced a renewal of friendship with someone that used to defend me in elementary and high school when I was attacked for being different. (remembered as being an almost daily occurance) Those memories and the therapy I have gone thru related to the grief and pain over my mom's death have brought me far in re-evualating my values and re-examining my past and it's meaning.

One of the things I know is that spirituality is important to me..very important. Being a nice kind person is important to me....something I dont always manage to do as well as I would like to. Alto there has been sadness in this last year, I cant regret having stood my ground and faced it and stayed the course so to speak. I think it has made me a potentially better person but one that is still struggling and trying to grow into what they need to be and what their "niche" is.

To those who have read this far, thanks...I admit to being surprised if many of you have. Just know I am trying to grow..as are most folk.

If you like, email me here